So far it’s an epidemic, not a pandemic. But it has swept across the globe and left chaos in its wake. I am talking, of course, about Swine Flu Flop - the highly contagious market-sapping disease that has seen billions of dollars wiped of the values of certain stock, ever since the influenza outbreak in Mexico.
In just one day last week, as the WHO ramped up its pandemic alert from stage three to stage four, shares dived worldwide. Travel and leisure firms have been hit the hardest, as industry bellwether British Airways dropped eight percent on April 26 while Lufthansa, Europe’s second largest airline, fell more than 12 percent. Air China dropped 13 percent, and Carnival, the cruise operator poised to begin operations in the Gulf, jumped 2.2 percent on news it had scrapped afternoon stopoffs in Acapulco.
So what’s in store for Gulf stocks? At the region’s bourses, investors should certainly be on high alert for Swine Flu Flop. The majority of state-backed travel and leisure firms aren’t listed, so we may have to wait to see if there’s been any significant impact. But it can’t be much fun for the national carriers, or their private competitors. The Gulf is one of the globe’s biggest transit hubs, and with people avoiding airports for fear of picking something up from other travellers, there are sure to be empty seats in the sky.
Ps. Pharmaceutical firms are looking at the whole thing in a different light, of course Roche, the Swiss maker of Tamiflu, climbed almost six percent as news spread of the virus. Rival GlaxoSmithKline, which makes the influenza treatment Relenza, gained 7.6 percent. As ever, it’s good to see the drug companies doing well. Do we think they’ll drop the prices of their drugs as a result of the good times?

Daft, am I? Bigoted? Ignorant? Well if that’s the case, tell that to the UAE government, as well as the government of Bahrain. Each has now taken the sensible step of banning imports of pork products.
As the WHO health warnings become graver and graver, so we realize how little we know about this deadly virus. As I cautioned in my last blog, why not be safe rather than sorry in this circumstance? I am proud to see that our governments are stepping forward and making wise decisions, and am sure that others will follow suit.
And as for the reader who suggested I had Mad Cow Disease, that’s actually a good illustration of my point. If people in Britain had been warned about infected beef earlier in the day, then they would have stopped eating it, and fewer would have succumbed to the awful disease. Who’s to say the same thing isn’t true of swine flu?

A pre-pandemic panic is just the shot in the arm every government needs right now. Ministries for Silly Suits are also pretty pleased with events of the past few days.

In the not so distant past, governments with economic or political difficulties at home would start wars abroad to divert attention away from their domestic failures.

These days, a decent health scare story in a distant part of the globe can work just as well.

To date, there have been fewer than 150 deaths from swine flu, all of them in Mexico. And the death toll did not rise at all overnight.

News crews have been despatched to chase down the merest whiff of a new case in their home countries. This morning I watched a breathless reporter at Manchester Airport in the north of England describe how a couple returning from honeymoon in Mexico had developed flu symptoms on the flight home.

In a tone that suggested the world is about to end, the reporter described how the couple are now recovering at home under the medical supervision of their local doctor. In other words, they’ve been sent home to watch TV on the sofa with a couple of aspirin.

The paltry nature of this current health scare has not deterred beleaguered politicians from spinning the news to their own advantage.

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown, speaking from a press conference in Poland this morning, announced that he would be back in London to chair a meeting of the COBRA disaster response committee within hours.

What glee! This is a politician heading a bankrupt government who can’t contain his excitement at the opportunity to look like he’s saving the world yet again. A mercy dash back from Poland, followed by a committee meeting that sounds like it ought to be chaired by Sylvester Stallone.

I’m almost expecting to see him striding up Downing Street wearing the very latest biohazard protection suit. The colourful versions modelled here by scientists from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the United States, should portray the right level of seriousness for the situation.

“Add Zero to your meal,” an advertisement attracts my attention every morning and I grin every time I see it.

The ironic visual on the fast food chain’s poster amuses me - an enticing large burger with a pack of French fries leaning comfortably on it – and yes, in case you suffer a guilty pang for getting tempted into eating the calorie-laden meal, at least you can wash it down with a large glass of cola which is absolutely without any calorie…the advertisement promises that - mind you.

Not that I’m a saint when it comes to food temptations; of course I give in to them quite often. But the ad reminds me of a Hindi phrase, that when roughly translated means: ‘After having eaten a hundred rats, the cat’s now off to a pilgrimage’ (for penitence, of course). I’m sure the zero calorie cola must be a great drink for some moral cleansing!

But as I think about it more, probably every calorie saved does count, given that an increasing number of people in the Middle East are consuming fast foods for reasons beyond merely satiating their taste buds – click here to read what we found out.

While we are on the subject, I came across an interesting website that’s accumulating some calories - seriously!

Every time you burn some calories, you record your performance on the site. All the calories burned by its members add up and the site aims to collect its ‘billion-calorie donations’ target as soon as possible. They want to create a healthy world, the site owners say.

Given that most of us are surviving the recession with closed fists, this is one donation I still plan to make: I’m definitely contributing and joining ‘The Billion Calorie Burn’.

Having lived in Dubai for 10 months, I had occasion this week to sample the city’s healthcare facilities for the first time after a routine eye check turned nasty and I was forced to undergo several examinations and a CT scan.

I feared the worst, having read the results of the recent Arabian Business poll on the standards of healthcare in the Gulf. More than half of the respondents declared that facilities were so poor they travel abroad for treatment.

I’m sorry but I disagree. I visited the City Hospital because I was suffering from constant eye ache and a few headaches.

Let me give you the UK script of how that would have played out (this is assuming you get an appointment to see a doctor before your medical complaint resolves itself)

Doc: Good morning, how can I help you?

Me: I have been suffering eyeache and been having a few headaches too.

Doc (checking his watch): Here’s a prescription for some eye drops.

THE END - it’s true because it’s happened to me on more than one occasion. GPs in the UK are paid per patient so they are desperate to get as many in and out as possible.

I swear I haven’t spent more than three minutes in a surgery back home without the doctor tapping his watch or fidgeting in his chair - in fact I reckon he has an emergency button under his desk to push if a patient outstays his or her welcome.

The Dubai experience was so different, I actually felt embarrassed by the attention and time given to me. No test was too much, no question was unanswered and the speed of treatment (36 hours for a CT scan appointment) was impressive.

Now all I need is a CT scan result to match…