If AB had a prize for the strangest story of the week this would surely win.

Officials in Jordan are investigating the cause of a plot of land that has got so hot that sheep burst into flames when they walked over it!

If you don’t believe us, click HERE and read the story in Arab News.

After a puzzling email from Dubai Municipality yesterday about a dead fish report, AB is pleased to find out what this was about.

Apparently if we’d have ventured outside we would have smelt it - tonnes of dead fish are floating in the Creek and washing up on its shores.

This is a common occurrence at this time of year, the National reports, caused by a build up of algae in the warm waters, which deplete oxygen levels.

However, more than 100 tonnes have been dumped in landfills since September and environmentalists say the problem has never been so severe.

Hmm, we think something fishy is going on. We await the municipality’s report with baited breath.

Dubai’s ambition to emerge as the best tourist city in the region has been quite often overlooked.

Whether wholesale or retail, the expats and tourists used to enjoy Dubai as a destination to shop for the best quality products and collections for the best deals. Visitors from the Middle East, Europe, Iran and Indian Sub-Continent that used to flock Dubai for a shopping spree had gifted the status has a shopping and transit destination.

But since the advent of this millennium, with rising rents and increasing inflation, it seems this has all just been a myth now for the incoming new visitors with expensive products and hardly any options. It is such a shame, even the shopping festivals have gotten boring and expensive. Let us draw what should happen in reality to save the long term economics in Dubai tourism.

Assume the rents of residential, offices, shops and warehouses are cheap and is at an average and affordable rates likely to the year 2000-2003. The government service fees are also charged at an affordable rates and simplified minimalist procedures to keep costs down. Country builds an amazing transportation infrastructure with various transport modes, trains, buses with several parallel roads and freeways. Visit visas are also reversed to previous attractive rates.

With decreased expenses, these savings are passed on to buyers by selling products and services for an affordable prices. The hotel rates are comparable with cities like Kuala Lumpur (5 star rooms for less than AED 700 peak time). Bring dinning and grocery prices down and so are other expenditures. This would make it attractive and give a reason for tourists to visit Dubai - shopping. Everything else will revolve around it. Now, imagine a family that may visit Dubai for 10 days to holiday and do a bulk shopping. Let us imagine where they could spend their money.

Various restaurants will cash them day, lunch and dinner. The hotels they stay will have occupancy. As they roam around the city - taxis, trains, busses, ferries have been used with RTA profiting here as well. They visit glitzy shopping malls to buy brands of the world for an amazing cheap price tag or may walk at old Dubai streets to pick up traditional bargains. Retailers have new profits. While they are shopping, they may have their kids play at the mall’s entertainment centres such as Fun City, Magic Planet, Sega Republic, Restless Planet or Kidzania. They will buy souvenirs or make certain impulsive purchases. Don’t forget the snacks and drinks they will grab at intervals.

The family will visit several attractions such as Lost Chambers at Atlantis the Palm Jumeirah, Dolphin Show at Creekside Park or Dubai Mall Aquarium. Wait, assume they have slashed their prices by half to attract more visitors else the family may opt only for one of it. They may spend an evening at the desert safari. They may spend another evening on activities like skiing, skydiving, water sports and horse riding. Everyone has profited here.

Now let us imagine all Dubailand projects are up and running 100% with affordable ticket prices for unlimited rides for the day. They would probably decide to spend whole day at Dreamworks Theme Park for AED 50 per person for unlimited rides. They may decide to spend another day at SeaWorld Water park for entrance of AED 50 per head. Now apart from this trip, if they return back to the city again, they may visit other several parks. Now these theme parks are cashing on the tourists as well. Attractive prices means, even local residents would go several times in a year.

The art galleries, museums, heritage locations and other attractions will also have more footfalls. With the launch of budget airline ‘FlyDubai’, cheap air fares, cheap hotel rates and cheap theme park entrances with unlimited rides along with visa on arrival and shopping bargains could boost weekend visitors from the GCC region. This will keep the two Dubai airports busy as well.

Imagine several alike families and visitors as such who would be spending money at several locations. Dubai has a favourable weather from October to April to attract enough visitors. But what the city needs to offer is more attractions for less price. Visitors and residents currently shy away from several Dubai attractions due to giant pricing structure. How many visitors currently experience Ski Dubai or Lost Chambers? The current population of UAE is not enough to sustain all the shopping malls, theme parks and other attractions. Definitely there needs to have flock of tourists.

The possibilities by attracting more middle income groups will initiate money flowing in the market at various sectors. Remember, as all these sectors start benefiting, they will pump in money into marketing whereby several media and creative related industries will profit. As more demand increases, this will create more jobs and opportunities in various sectors in the country as a whole. Every industry and sectors are dependent on other sectors.

There are only so many possibilities and opportunities when we start bringing the price down at affordable, competitive and attractive levels. Dubai will profit from revenues and numbers. Countries in the Far East especially Malaysia have been successful by making itself an affordable quality family destination.

This region does not have one and Dubai has every chance to create it. Will the Government built on to this path to success or would it still compare itself to London and New York and continue to fail in long term. Or would we sit and wait for somebody else to do it in the region and realise its too late, so to regret and lose the chance? Let us stop dreaming, stop being greedy, rather start strategizing to bring price levels down to attract more business.

Let us force the rents and services charges down so the savings can be passed on to end buyers. This is a great opportunity to place a permanent law on rent caps to below 5% every 3 years. This will make sure prices are stabilised even during the next upturn if any.

I live in an apartment block owned and managed by Emaar at The Greens.

We had lots of notices and posters displayed around the common areas of the building urging us to turn our lights out for Earth Hour last Saturday night – and for us all the ‘do our bit’ for the planet.

What a joke when then the next day as I was walking through The Greens in the POURING RAIN that all the sprinklers were on watering the grass!

Where’s the green thinking behind that? Or are we just supposed to make an effort for one hour every year and put a tick in the box?

It’s this disregard for any real commitment to improving the environment and promotional packaged claptrap that allows fair weather ‘greenies’ to really think they have made a difference by turning their lights out for one hour!

Driving in Dubai? Don’t get me started. I arrived in this fair city with an impeccable driving record and a totally logical approach to motoring.

This would include letting people out of junctions in front of me if I was in a queue and even showing my appreciation to other motorists by raising a friendly thumb.

Nine months later, I have been reborn into the kind of psychotic, road rager who has forgotten how to use the brake pedal and has worn out the shiny horn button.

What has happened to this mild mannered Driving Miss Daisy motorist? The truth is he disappeared about a week into my Dubai driving experience.

The transformation was completed about a month in when a maniac (I use the word guardedly) cut me up on Sheikh Zayed Road and forced me on to the hard shoulder, terrifying my wife who was in the passenger seat.

From that moment on, I have used my horn a total of 243 times as I have realised this is the only way to get attention.

I now edge right up to the bumper in front of me in traffic queues and look the other way to avoid the eyeline of the poor driving desperately trying to get out of a side road.

My wife is now scared to be in the car with me and has told me that she has written down a date for when she thinks I will be in an accident (nice of her eh?).

I’m sure my Jekyll and Hyde driving performance will continue and I will let you know if my wife’s crystal ball prediction was correct - provided I can still type.