Restaurant review: Almaz by Momo, Dubai

As my friend diligently inspected a ravaged portion of lamb shoulder, shamelessly searching for a final fragment of its startlingly tender meat, the DJ cranked the music up a few more decibels. On cue, a troop of waiters galloped through the aisles handing out no fewer than four birthday cakes. Nearly all our fellow diners, it seemed, had something to celebrate. And so did we.

Dubai is the new Babylon. It's official. The Sunday Times said so, and we wanted to celebrate our adopted hometown's triumph with some authentic Babylonian excess. We tipped our cabbie in banknotes, skipped through the Kempinski with affected affluence, and waltzed across Harvey Nichols tutting superciliously at the pocket money prices. On the top floor, the faintest sound of Arabic pop music lured us past antiseptic shop displays to a hidden kasbah whose original London branch, Momo's, was hired by Madonna to throw a party for Naomi Campbell. Harvey Nics, Madonna and Naomi Campbell? In this billionaires' playground of excess and wealth, we had surely found our Tower of Babel.

While my friend resorted to increasingly desperate measures (knives, forks, scalpels...) to locate some lamb, lest any sumptuous meat remained tragically uneaten, I tried my damnedest to assimilate, to luxuriate. But something was wrong. The food was generously portioned and reasonably priced, the decor was tasteful and atmospheric, and the service was friendly and welcoming. Where were the miniscule helpings of overpriced finger food? Where were the arrogant waiters? And where were the ostentatious, glitzy kings of bling who were chosen to inhabit this exalted kingdom? Our brand new Babylon was crashing to the earth all around our armchairs, and I was holding up a glass of non-alcoholic champagne. Worse still, my friend was out of lamb.

He was mollified by an excellent lemon and lime cheesecake, while I snacked on various deep-fried combos of almonds, honey and cinnamon from the sweets counter. If we hadn't been so intent on gratuitous overindulgence we wouldn't have tried to cram any more food into our overloaded bellies. After all, the Moroccan feast had already featured a bowl of lean, succulent beef straggled atop a creamy hummos, some moist fish kebbeh, a mechouia dip of juicy grilled vegetables, and a discus of seafood pastilla which merged sugar and orange peel with mussels, crab and fish.

While I scanned the room fruitlessly for pouting princesses and Premiership players, my friend doused his couscous in a rich tomato sauce and super-spicy harissa, before single-mindedly attacking his imperially tender lamb shoulder. Not only did he miss out on my superb dish, a tagine crammed with equally succulent lamb and a host of vegetables, but he also failed to catch the highlight of the evening's entertainment - a fight. While the scuffling duo were ushered outside, the DJ turned up the music, and the four cakes found their way to the candle blowers.

With the last scrap of meat safely ensconced in his cheekbones, my friend was reaching for his solid gold credit card when he noticed with horror the smiling staff, the feuding customers and the blushing birthday boys and girls - genuine human emotion surely anathema to the superficial ‘souped-up Vegas' he was there to honour? So it was then that I raised a glass of boozeless bubbly to the fall of Babylon, and toasted the brilliant Almaz, where the last thing you need is an excuse to celebrate.

The bill (for two)
2x mineral waterDhs50
2x non-alcoholic BrutDhs80
2x Moroccan teaDhs20
Hummos with lambDhs32
MechouiaDhs15
Fish kebbehDhs20
Seafood pastillaDhs50
Couscous mechouiaDhs110
Lamb and vegetable tagineDhs65
Green saladDhs15
CheesecakeDhs15
ChanakiaDhs5
Total (excluding service)Dhs477

Almaz by Momo, Harvey Nichols, Mall of the Emirates (04 409 8877). OpenSat-Tue 9am-1am (last order 11.30pm), Wed-Fri 9am-2am (last order 12.15am). Unlicensed. All major credit cards accepted.