“I despise you, I detest you. You wouldn’t last five minutes in a boardroom.”
The words were spat at me with venom, pure vitriol lacing each syllable. What crime had I committed to spark such fury in my boss? I’d suggested we use positive reinforcement within the team to improve performance. My temerity was rewarded with a broadside that shocked both me and my immediate line manager (and mentor).
It was the beginning of an ordeal that, in more than three decades of working, I’d never experienced. Over a number of utterly toxic months, I was constantly threatened with the sack, once for making an “unprofessional” facial gesture – my eyes, it seems, had widened at a statement.
This boss was a bully, pure and simple. The dictionary describes a bully as a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable, and I was vulnerable in that I wanted to keep my job.
Ultimately, I endured and escaped and now let the teachings from that time shape how I treat people, especially the brilliant team I now work alongside on Arabian Business. I’ve much to learn but I’ll keep learning, open-minded as to how I can improve.
I shared some of this on my LinkedIn feed after we carried Dr Saliha Afridi’s brilliant column on our website. “What to do when your boss is a bully” spoke to so much of what I experienced in that time.
I started my post with the simple statement: “You are not alone”. If I had wondered whether it was me that was alone, the response proved otherwise. To date, that post has been viewed 17,830 times, eliciting 1,980 reactions from across the world. Some 523 people in London, 120 in New York, 94 in Sydney, 91 in Mumbai and more in Washington, Toronto and Paris, to name a few.
Effective managers cultivate workplaces that are free from bullying
Striking a chord
Among the more than 20 comments, Kenneth McKellar, partner at AGM Transitions, said: “I think we will see such types of people being more and more exposed in a post-Covid environment where bosses will increasingly be judged by the quality of their behaviours.”
Abbie Kadom, a manager of culture and engagement at APCO Worldwide, wrote: “It’s not just managers; workplace bullies can be found in the executive suite all the way down to the reception desk. Effective managers cultivate workplaces that are free from bullying, but it’s important for everyone involved to learn how to deal with bullies at work. Spreading awareness and letting people know they are not alone is a great step in the right direction.”
And Silvia Bottini, Editor of The Leadership Inbox, added: “It’s truly painful to be bullied at work, especially when the bully is the boss. It kills motivation and self-confidence.
“Leadership teams have the responsibility to promote role model behaviours where respect and collaboration are the pillars of interpersonal relations. When they fail to do so, they are likely to create a toxic environment with a high turnover.”
That high turnover continues at my former workplace, where employees continue to be told they should be “ashamed”. But to my former bully, and all workplace bullies, I say this: “It is you who should be ashamed”.
We’ve all had a rough 2020, a pandemic really should be enough to deal with, so in 2021 let’s take workplace bullying off the table. Let’s accept that in the modern employment landscape it has no place. Bullies should be retrained, rehabilitated or retired, no matter their intelligence.
On arabianbusiness.com, we’ve launched a special section called Resilience, there you can find Dr Afridi’s excellent adviceplus much more that I hope can help.
And to those still enduring their ordeals, I’ll finish where I started my original post: “You are not alone”.
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