Grieving on the job: How to navigate grief while working

As we strive to balance our personal pain with professional commitments, the workplace can feel like a battlefield of emotions.

Here are 7 essential ways to navigate grief while working.

Become grief literate

There are many misconceptions about the emotion creating unnecessary pressure for the working professional. Here are some important facts to know about grief.

• Grief is different from mourning. Mourning is a culturally or religiously prescribed period that begins and ends, which may be marked with rituals, a period of prayer, wearing black or white, or memorial services.
  Grief is the internal experience of loss, and it has no end point – never a day, month, or year arrives where an individual “finishes” or “completes” their grief.
• Grieving is a highly individualised process unique to each person – there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve.
• Grief can impact the brain and body showing up as a struggle to concentrate, impaired memory, fatigue, disrupted sleep, and muscle aches and pains.

Tip: Acknowledge the complexity of grief and ask for flexibility in your workplace, especially in the first few weeks of the grieving process. Communicate to your HR the different types of support or accommodations you need during this time.

These can include bereavement leave, flexible work arrangements, or a temporary reduction in workload. It may also involve access to counselling services or other mental health resources provided by the company.

Know your triggers and plan for them

The first year can be most challenging as your triggers are unknown, and your grief is unchartered terrain.

The emotional trigger occurs when a time of year, occasion, situation, or experience elicits a strong emotional or physical response associated with the loss. Grief triggers vary in intensity and duration and can hijack the mind and body’s sense of safety and equilibrium.

Common triggers can include:

• certain scents
• music
• food
• places
• photos
• sentimental objects
• birthdays, celebrations, and holidays
• the death anniversary
• hearing the news of loss
• seeing someone who looks like your person,
• big life transitions like moving, getting a promotion, becoming a parent, or getting married can all be triggering times.

Tip: Spend some time reflecting on what times of year or experiences tend to be most triggering for you, and plan to be flexible with yourself during that time.

For example, consider taking the day off or having a half-day of work as you approach the death anniversary. Try not to take on any new projects during triggering times or set important deadlines close to these times. Consider how you’d like to spend the day in a way that creates space for unexpected emotions that may arise.

Implement regular grief hygiene

The emotion cannot be neatly scheduled, nor is it convenient, but giving it its due space and time can prevent it from having a negative impact on your personal and professional life.

Tip: Establish a consistent practice for ‘grief check-ins’, a dedicated time for introspection, at work. This is not a session to ‘fix’ your grief, but an opportunity to acknowledge it and identify what it feels like at this particular time.

Ask yourself, “How am I genuinely feeling? How is my grief manifesting this week or month? What do I need to support myself in dealing with it?” Consider whether there might be any accommodations or adjustments needed at work to help you during this period, such as taking short breaks when needed or creating a quiet, private space to gather your thoughts.

Adjust your expectations of yourself and others

Post-loss, it’s unreasonable to expect yourself to function as you did previously, especially within the first six months. Similar to expecting a marathon run from a person recovering from a sprained ankle, it’s not safe or fair to oneself.

Tip: To support your journey, consider discussing with your manager or HR representative about the possibility of adjusting your workload or deadlines. Communicate your current capabilities openly and honestly, encouraging understanding and support during this challenging period.

Seek companions

The origin of the word grief comes from the Latin word ‘gravis’ which means a ‘heavy burden.’ It was never meant to be carried alone – throughout history; it was carried together in community.

Tip: Seek companions who will journey alongside your grief with solidarity, sincere check-ins, deep listening, and empathy. A companion reassures you that your sorrow matters, and they do not try to solve, rush, or meet your grief with intellect.

A counsellor or a support group can create a community of companions. Grief counselling is especially vital if you are struggling tending to your personal and professional responsibilities.

Have compassion towards your process

The oscillating journey of grief is arduous and long. While one cannot control what emotions may arrive, there must be a commitment to respond to yourself with self-compassion.

Self-compassion is not a behaviour or tool but a deeply held belief or mindset that you are worthy of receiving the same respect, kindness, and generosity that you extend to those you love most. Self-compassion does not include:

• Rushing yourself to ‘be okay’.
• Comparing yourself to others.
• Denying or blocking your feelings.
• Neglecting what you need.
• Responding to yourself with judgement.

Tip: Make a pledge to yourself; “I give myself permission to feel what’s here for me. I know there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way for me to grieve. I commit to responding to myself with empathy like I would someone I deeply respect and love.” 

Keep your body strong and moving

Grief is held in the body – impacting hormones, the nervous system, brain chemistry, the immune system, the muscular system, digestion, and more.

Tip: To maintain the internal resources to endure grief, prioritise the following non-negotiables:

• Sleeping at least 7 hours at the same time every night
• Adequate hydration of at least 12 to 14 cups of water a day
• Eating colourful food of the earth to ensure good gut health
• Regular gentle exercise and movement, including massage, yoga, qigong, or gentle stretching.
• Have bloodwork done to ensure essential vitamin levels and hormones are balanced.