I have struggled for many years with being a female. I thought I had to do more to prove myself, so I worked harder. I thought I had to be more to be successful to be taken seriously, so I strived to accomplish more.
I believed it was a man’s world, so I did not always give my opinions just in case they were not good enough. I doubted myself constantly and when I was heading a leading Industrial and engineering company I would listen to what male managers and engineers would say and believed it was the only way, even when I totally knew it could be done differently and possibly better.
Yes I had lots of doubt in my ability, in my knowledge and also in my way of managing a business.
I was neck high in the pit of imposter syndrome and did not know that a better world did exist out there.
Please note that I am opening my heart and revealing my inner demons to you, had you met me even many years ago, you would not even know that the strong and confident woman you saw covered brilliantly the frail, shaky and bruised child that was occupying my inner self.
I was raised by a strong mother and a stronger paternal grandmother – a grandmother who did not have any trace of imposter syndrome, a grandmother who men greatly respected and listened to, otherwise she would give them a piece of her mind and brought them back to their senses.
But this did not stop my fragile self from always falling prey to the delusions of my harsh and violent inner critic. I actually named my inner critic Mr Empty as he was always putting me down with hollow nasty comments no matter what I did.
This funny naming was the first step to building my new found solid self-worth and self-esteem. Yes, I know it sounds crazy but one has to be mad if they listened to an inner abuser and took them seriously all the time.
So I fought fire with fire, I started to laugh every time Mr Empty opened their mouth. In the beginning, it was a forced laughter, but then it became normal, and in all honesty, it was quite amusing to poke fun until I got to a place that I realised that it was simply ridiculously hilarious and false judgement.
This is where I am now, a place where I know that I have enough inside of me to be a success with little effort, a place where I realise my ability without being a workaholic.
Now that I have revealed my secret – Would that help other women in the region?
Would knowing that I had very low self-worth that I was able to overcome support others to grow theirs? Would speaking my shame story remove the stigma they have about their ability?
I strongly believe that one of the biggest obstacles GCC women have is their inner confidence. I have seen women keep quiet, even when they know the answer. I have seen them think they have to play the man’s game and so they stop finding other ways to grow their career and the business because they bury their strong feminine power of collaboration creative problem solving and shrug off their nurturing nature.
So now that I know the hindrances to females climbing the ladder what do I think will work?
Supporting each other and speaking to other women in the work place and exchanging notes is the place to start.
By reaching out to our fellow females, we will realise that we are all facing the same problem, and we may be able to collaboratively change the way we work, which will pave the way to a more female-friendly and encouraging environment.
If we don’t, we risk falling through the cracks of a system designed against us and falling into the lap of Mr Empty.
Sheikha Intisar AlSabah is a Kuwaiti philanthropist, entrepreneur, author, film producer, columnist and a princess of the ruling family of Kuwait.
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