When I was eight years old, many, many moons ago, the coolest show on television (at least in my view) was Magnum P.I. Tom Selleck and his magnificent moustache were the hero of the piece, a private investigator who solved mysteries with his head and his heart.
An irreverent character by nature, he leapt from helicopters, survived endless gun fights, and enjoyed many a high-speed chase around the island of Hawaii. As boy I thought he had it all (even considering the love interests were a bit lost on me) and that he would never change – indeed why would he?
Especially added to that the second central character of the show (no not Higgins) was a superfast red sportscar which our perpetually floral-shirted hero would pursue his targets in (back then a 1979 Ferrari 308GTS). It was the most iconic of sidekicks.
That was four decades ago and I’d not thought about Magnum for years, that is until I picked up the keys to the Porsche Cayenne GTS. Flame red, this SUV and its sporting looks brought back all those boyhood memories of thrills, spills and action.
But it also sparked another thought, what, playful and enigmatic as he was, would Magnum be driving these days if he’d got married, had kids, maybe expanded his investigation business into a successful company? It wouldn’t be anything boring, it would have to match his adventurous spirit, but he was a man with manners and consideration, so what would a reformed, playboy detective chose to purchase?
What car could equally handle Isofix car seats for the kids and high-speed pursuits, what could cope with weekly shopping trips and evade gun-toting henchmen?
Turns out I was sitting in the answer, as the Cayenne GTS is a SUV packed full of adventurous, playful touches that speak to young or the young at heart, while also having speed galore.
That speed comes from the V8 biturbo engine that now beats at the heart of the latest Cayenne, a step change up from the V6 in previous incarnations. If you need a quick getaway then it’ll take you from 0 to 100 km/h in 4.5 seconds with Sport Plus (progress for Magnum as it took his old sidekick 8 seconds), and with the Sport Chrono package the Cayenne has a top speed of 270 km/h. The power that is delivered throws you back in your seat when you put your foot down, with the capacity to turn your knuckles white as you grip the steering wheel in sheer exhileration.
Should TV producers decide to make an updated version of the detective drama, Magnum CEO for example (come on that would be awesome), then there is plenty of reasons for Tom to choose the GTS as his new companion, because it’s a great blend of exciting and yet dependable and practical.
Touches like the exhaust system bring a smile to the face, the twin tailpipes on the outer side of the rear give this sleek machine a sporty look as it speeds off, and they deliver a satisfyingly meaty roar as the engine comes to life – the GTS never fluffs its lines.
Magnum was a whimsical fellow, often wisecracking when cornered, and the GTS has the same sense of humour. Take for example the little lights that project the Porsche name onto the ground from the underside of the doors when opened, utterly pointless, I can’t imagine how many hours were devoted to getting them just right. But while serving no practical purpose they do make you smile, every time you open the doors (which is probably their actual purpose).
Inside is a showstopper too. Sporty bucket seats plastered in hand-stitched Alcantara give the GTS a luxurious yet youthful feel. The interior controls are blend of intuitive technology, such as the central 12 inch infotainment screen, and chunky buttons that just give the car a tactile feel. You still feel like you are in control rather than a computer.
In traffic this car commands its space, growling as it does, and you feel like its very presence clears the path ahead. Great if you pursing bad guys or trying to get the kids to school on time. There are other practical measures such as being able to sync your phone to the media centre, including being able to access all your IPhone apps (such as Waze).
As you test drive this GTS you find yourself doing a check box of all the practical things you need from a family car, because it has them. It has a spacious boot, Isofix points for the children’s car seats, useful technology, including parking assist which creates a 360-degree view of your vehicle’s surroundings by using 12 ultrasonic sensors and four cameras, incredibly useful in mall car parks.
Porsche’s eye for detail makes this the most sensible midlife crisis car you buy, you genuinely feel like you could persuade your partner that this in fact is a) worth the money, and b) great for the family. The only risk then is that your partner will want to drive it instead of you.
The GTS has all the drama and entertainment of a hit TV series. When Magnum bowed out his finale still remains to this day one of the most-watched episodes in US history proving that blending humour and action is timeless.
Perhaps it’s time you became the star of your own show, if you do I can recommend a good sidekick.
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