I describe myself as a servant-leader, and to me, effective leaders love serving others. We spearhead activities that are, more often than not, bigger than ourselves and beyond our collective expectations.
Yet in our all-out giving, we forget that we, too, need to be constantly replenished and refreshed to be able to give. This is not selfishness; far from it. It is simply the most logical thing to do. We will never be able to give away what we did not have in the first place.
The expectation of immunity
As leaders our energies seem endless; our time, immutable; our resources, unlimited; and our wellbeing, unchallenged. The fact is that leaders are never immune to being unwell. Depletion of energy and resources results from this phenomenon of over-giving.
Exhaustion and collapse, or simply burnout, inevitably takes place and the leader withdraws.
When asked where they are, or what has happened, no one can answer because the leader has hidden himself away and broken off from all social entanglements. They have given too much away without taking the precaution to replenish themselves.
When we talk about mental health programmes to benefit the community, it is our own state of mental health and well-being that we should be caring about first, before we even think of lending a helping hand.
A personal experience
My own ‘episode’ of depression during the pandemic was an enlightening experience. It proved that I was never exempt from the risks and dangers that plagued a leader. I saw my own fallibility and vulnerability, my imperfection and inadequacy, my humanness.
My roles as a mental health advocate and a community leader were farthest from my mind in the three months that I was in self-exile. Depression, as I was diagnosed, took a momentary grip on me, when I decided to shut myself up in my room, avoiding contact with anyone or anything.
It was the height of the Covid-19 pandemic when I contracted the virus and after shunning all people, depression set in. I canceled all my webinars as speaker and mental health advocate, and was not open to talking about my feelings with family or friends, let alone with a doctor or a mental health professional.
I held myself captive, incarcerated by my own choosing. I engulfed myself in the darkness that bewildered those around me, including my nine-year-old son, who asked, “Daddy, why aren’t you going out anymore? It has been weeks.”
The realisation of self-care
I believe that, in those three months, I acted toward myself the way I never wanted others to act toward me. I realised that self-care is essential if we want to serve others better. It means taking an active role in protecting our own sense of well-being and happiness, especially during periods of stress.
Self-care goes hand-in-hand with self-compassion. When done with intention, both make us slow down and take fewer steps, to make us aware of what is going on with our bodies and minds, to help boost our immune system, and to even help improve our self-kindness in the long run.
As leaders, caring for ourselves is more often passive or reactive, but we must learn to take positive and pre-emptive steps in order to give our best.
Practicing self-compassion
Self-compassion is a vital tool used to uplift oneself so that other people can also be lifted. Only when we possess the power to manage our energies – physical, mental, emotional, and, to some extent, social – can we be the source of strength and inspiration for others to emulate.
Exploring a therapeutic outlet
In the abyss of depression, upon knowing it – I was in denial for a time – I found myself writing my book on management cases. Pouring my energy into it, how leaders and organisations thrive in the new normal, helped me get back on track. Writing served as my therapeutic aid.
Asking yourself what you need
In leading change we need to ask ourselves the critical questions: Are we ready to lead? Are we physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially able to lead? By asking ourselves the question “What do I need?” – and listening mindfully to the answer and accepting the honesty within it – we can be on our way toward healing and true leadership.
Acknowledging infallibility
One valuable lesson is that leaders, human as they are, are not infallible, nor are they indispensable. We know how it is to lead well and still be true to our core values and principles. Self-compassion, self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness all help us realise that we are earthborn beings who fail and make mistakes.
Accepting pain in order to heal
We must look back at times of pain and recognise it as such – pain – but we should not linger there. Sometimes we need to look at the past squarely in the eye, and accept it, move on, and, if we can, forgive it. Only then can we start the healing process happening in our lives.
The more compassionate leaders are toward people, the more compassionate they should be toward themselves. To heal is to look deep into ourselves, what things we must maintain, and what to give up. As they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Dr Rommel Sergio is a Professor of Management at Canadian University Dubai, Consultant in HR and organisational development, community leader, and best-selling book author
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